Wednesday, June 18th, 2025

Listening to: Life is Killing Me album by Type O Negative

Currently Reading: I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons by Peter S. Beagle

Currently Playing: Final Fantasy XV

The last entry of the season! There's still a good couple of days until the official summer solstice, although it might as well be summer already with the temperatures we've been experiencing these past weeks... I want to go swimming already!!!

Another birthday has passed, and I am no longer the age of NMH2 Travis. Every year, my biggest wish is to get the hell out of this city, and I finally got it granted, in a huge way!! I got to meet Suda51! My mom offered to pay for the flight for me and Bear as my gift, and I'm so, so grateful that she helped me receive the best birthday present ever. I decided I wanted to draw Suda something, so I chose a bit of an unconventional choice, an illustration for the manga Kurayami Dance, based on the original concept for Shadows of the Damned.

The original concept I had was much better, but with time and supply constraints, I did the best I could. This was my first time using the Magicfly graphite transfer paper I have even though I've owned it for years! On a side note, I'm really excited to push myself to use my supplies more... what's the point of owning art supplies if you're too afraid or want to wait until you get better to use them? It's nonsense, you won't magically improve if you don't use them. Anyway, it was a learning experience! It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, but I was happy I pushed myself to make a gift. I really love Wataru as a character!

On the day of our flight, we had some issues with departure... I'm not even going to explain the disaster that occured, but I was so sure we weren't going to make it at first! It was devastating and stressful, but we managed to make it just in time. Immediately after we got off our flight, we didn't even have time to check into our lodging and had to go straight to the con. It was overwhelming... Bear and I had never been to a convention center that massive before. We rushed to pick up our badges as fast as we could and made our way to get in line for the meet and greet, which got cut off RIGHT after we got in line! Can you believe our luck? I would have cried even more if we had arrived any later, haha.

I finally had an excuse to wear the Travis coordinate I had in my head for so long! I had my ita bag to go with it, of course. Unfortunately, we were in such a rush to arrive that I didn't get a proper picture... I had to get dressed in our hotel room right before we left to catch our flight (that the airline paid for thankfully), do my makeup in the airport restroom (I felt so trashy for this one, LOL), and put on my final accessories and the jacket on in the crowded convention center restroom. Just know that this was me, and I'll be sure to repeat the coordinate again so I can have proper pictures of it~

Since we were the last ones in line, we had to wait for a couple of hours. It wasn't an uneventful wait though! While we waited, I also got to meet my online friend Ocean for the first time and got to talk to all of the cute cosplayers also waiting in line. Ahh, they really captured my heart, especially the cutest female Travis cosplayer!! Thank you for exchanging social media with me! I had printed out some NMH sticker packs the day before our flight so I could give them away to any fans or cosplayers I got to talk to, and I gave almost all of them away. Success!

I was getting nervous as we were approaching the front of the line, but I think how happy I was melted away my nerves. I had brought both my Wii copy of NMH and Killer 7 but I was unsure about the signature item limit so I only had NMH signed. Best of all, I got to show Suda my Travis doll!!! I let him hold little Travis and he just stood there saying "kawaii... kawaii". Big thank you to mi gansita who made the head, and to all of my friends who contributed to my ita bag!! I'll never forget how big Suda's eyes got when he saw my bag. They were so impressed at the table that they took a picture of Travisito as well as me with my bag for themselves. Now I just need to decorate the frame I got for the cheki I took of all of us together...

After the meet and greet, we only had a couple of hours to shop at the hall where all the dealer's booths and artist alley was located. I wish we could have seen it all, but we barely scratched the surface. We had to leave for Suda's panel before we knew it and everything was closed after we were done. The scariest thing happened when we were roaming around the arcade an hour after the arcade: I realized my Travis plush was gone! I had been too careless with my bag and he fell out at some point. Bear kept me calm and we made our way back to the panel room. As soon as I entered, there he was! Someone was sitting on him to keep him safe until his rightful owner returned. I don't know who found my Travis plush, but I just want to say thank you. I was so worried I was going to have to desperately turn to social media try to get him back home. I'll never be that careless with my bag ever again. Everyone was so kind during my silly little plight and I'm very grateful.

Shadow scrunchie also accompanied Travis and I made my mark on the con! On one side of an arcade machine, I put my remaining stickers consisting of my logo, with the Bizarre Jelly design I drew 10 years ago! I really need to draw a new design... I can see how horribly dated this one is, hahaha.

As much as I wanted to extend our stay, especially since there was another Suda panel the next day, I had only planned for the Friday of the con since we were on a tight budget. We stayed at the con as long as we could, checking out the arcade, manga library, and some other panels. I wanted to stay until midnight and have a drink at the bar to kick off my birthday, but the fatigue of travel, lack of sleep, and being out all day was catching up to me and wore my body out. The thing that finally had us deciding to leave, just a couple of hours before 12? Digital Circus being presented at a disturbing animations panel. Really? Come on now. Sorry to anyone who enjoys it, I just associate it with toddlers.

The next day (on my actual birthday), we woke up early to catch our fight back home. We weren't even in the city for a whole 24 hours, but we really enjoyed our time there and want to plan a full trip for next year. I wasn't sure when we would arrive back home so I had refrained from planning anything and I wish I had... no one was available to do last minute karaoke, but we were pretty tired from the trip anyway. A friend met me at the arcade and we got to spend some time together! She's been my friend since middle school and I hardly see her anymore, I missed her.

Oops, all husbands! My friend and I also played a bunch of rhythm games together, sadly the Miku machine was broken. She got me the cutest little Kirby plate!

This year, I got a lot of packages! So many in fact, that I felt overwhelmed with joy and love... I've always done my best to be there for friends and show them that I care and to get it returned seemingly tenfold, well... I just can't express enough in words how grateful and blessed I feel. Thank you so much everyone who sent me something, drew me something, or even just wished me a happy birthday. It was my best one yet! I seriously feel like this when I look back on everything. Thank you again...

First, I got a package from Lapin! She was kind enough to agree to a gift exchange (yours is almost done, by the way!! I should be able to do the last of my shopping for you this weekend) and I was blown away by what I received. Even the packing peanuts were her aesthetic!! I've already torn into the candy by now, and the Macoto Takahashi art book is just breathtaking... there were things I wasn't expecting at all, like the LaDS merch and the Chiikawa cards, and especially not the strawberry makeup collection pieces!! But best of all...

The most gorgeous Iris I've ever seen!!! She's so beautifully serene and the frame is so perfect for her! The unicorn heart charm is wonderful too, I can't wait to get a chain for it so that I can wear it as a necklace! Iris is how happily sitting just above me where I can look at her all I want. Thank you again Lapin, I was so incredibly touched by everything and I can't wait to return the favor soon!

Next, I got a birthday package from my penpal, and one from a yume friend. My penpal and I have birthdays a couple of weeks apart (fellow Gemini!!), so I hope my package to you arrived safely! And if you're reading this, hi! Thank you so much again, I absolutely loved the blackcurrant candy and the beans the most! The egg stirrer has proved very useful and I always appreciate more stickers for my hoard~ My yume friend knitted me the CUTEST strawberry pouch and rose keychain. Isn't she so talented? The angel bear pen is probably the best pen I've ever had the pleasure of writing with too, it's so smooth. Thank you S and C! Everything was wonderful.

I got flowers and a package from some very, very important friends. I don't think I've ever gotten a bouquet like this before! I actually still have the vase in my room because I don't want to throw them away hahaha, and they smelled SO heavenly and sweet! Almost like you could eat them. I also got some tasty treats, the guava macadamia cookies and puchao are so delicious! The kewpie is happily standing next to Iris (as if she's presenting her!) and I'm still waiting for the perfect opportunity to grow my unicorn and make a wish with her. Thank you for the sticker tweezers too!! I've been applying stickers by hand this whole time for everything, can you believe it? Last but not least, she gave me her modded 3DS!! I'm so excited for this one, I was always too apprehensive to mod mine since she's so sentimental to me, but I'm gonna play so many games with her and bring her with me everyday once I troubleshoot why the SD card isn't being read. Thank you so much everyone, I love you so much!!

My first Monchhichi, a handmade bracelet, and a candle (it smells SO GOOD OMG) from mi gansita!! Well, it finally happened... Bear and one of my friends accidentally got me the same gift. Bear got me a lavender Instax for my birthday, and she got me a pink one that arrived a little later. I still feel so bad, I'm sorry! I still need to take a picture of the new rainbow rainboots I got with the return gift card. I'm SO stoked about the extra film though! I probably won't have to buy new film for a couple of years! I also got a package from my little raincloud and I SCREAMED so loud when I saw the little babies!! She got me plush to match with her Caleb and Zayne (please say a prayer for her Zayne, he needs surgery on his ear...) and also included her own merch. Thank you for everything, ladies!!

The hostage I held for ransom in my room, and the strawberry cheesecake in a jar I got as payment, perfect. I shared it with Travis!! I want another one now, I wonder if any shops have a pistachio cheesecake?

I hosted my first lolita meet! Despite being in my comm for probably a decade now, I would always shy away from organizing anything. We didn't have anything planned for ILD, so I'm so glad I decided to plan something! We went to brunch and then to an aquarium right after, so I decided to make my dream of wearing Marine Kingdom to an aquatic themed meet a reality.

I arrived early to the meet until I got to see faces new and familiar. It was actually the birthday of one of the girl's mom there, our honorary lolita!! It felt so special for all of us to spend time with her and sing her happy birthday.

An eel named Oswald, the strawberry cake pop my friend bought me, and some buns I ordered at dinner!

After the aquarium, the meet was winding down and most people were going home. The remainer of us decided to continue the party by going to get dinner and then on a quick shopping trip. Funnily enough, it was the same store I was at the day before and therefore banned myself from getting anything else. I spent way too much!! I also got some wonderful, wonderful gifts from my friends! My friend R knitted me a strawberry pouch and got me an AP bunny! My friend Z got me such an adorable assortment of items too and best of all, the Chiikawa block!! I actually have Momonga somewhere which she mentioned she wanted the most, so I'll have to find her so we can trade. The bookmark is currently being used in my copy of I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons. Did you know Peter S. Beagle released a new book last year? I had no idea until I saw it in stores!

Thank you everyone for hanging out during summer ILD and for making my first meet a success!I plan to host another one later this year so that we can all watch a ballet together.

One more package from an old internet friend! She got me a Bewear oven mitt, some candy that I've already long torn into, and some other cute bits and bobs! I showed Pancake Jr. my new Bewear arm. Thank you A!

What else have I been up to? Let's see, I went with Bear and a friend to the Switch 2 midnight release. We watched the PS State of Play presentation while we were driving back home from the first part of our trip and I screamed so loud when Romeo is a Dead Man was announced that our friend thought someone was crashing into us. Sorry!! I just got really excited. I also got into a big con for the first time in 2 years and am (poorly) prepping for that, and Bear and I rode our bikes together for the first time yesterday evening! It was so invigorating, though we really do need to get a differnet bike for Bear... it's more of a cruiser and doesn't work well for the rough terrain of our trails.

The current state of my ita bag and Travis plush and doll! This picture is already outdated because I just had another keychain arrive with one on the way! Travisito needs some touching up... I'm nervous, but I can do it! I'll fix him up after I've finally painted a faceup for Iris.

Farewell, Gemini season! Until next year! You wouldn't believe how many birthdays I have next month... there's even three in one single week. I'm hoping we can plan one party for that Friday.

Monday, May 19th, 2025

Listening to: Sadness is Rebellion by Lebanon Hanover

Currently Reading: Kurayami Dance

Currently Playing: Love and Deepspace

It happened again this morning during my work commute. My panic attacks are like a flashbang, coming out of nowhere and only lasting a couple of minutes. Still, I can't help but feel a bit rattled the rest of the day when they happen, which is rarely thankfully.

The days feel like they move way too quickly since we've moved here. Spring has exploded into a series of nonstop events. Over the past three weeks I've attended various celebrations and ceremonies and birthdays, a festival and a show, and hangouts both virtual and physical. Yet I don't don't really feel like recounting everything here. I look back at my photos and my evidence of late night chats and think about how I want to simply appreciate these precious memories away from prying eyes.

Maybe it's the melancholy. I should be happy, and I am! But I still feel this twinge in my heart somehow. I think it's of my own doing. After all, I don't know why I'm still here. But I won't get too much inside my own head about things again or question the value of my life anymore. I exist on this planet right now, and that's it.

I wasted my entire 20s not really sure if I wanted to live or not, so I'll spend my remaining time surrendering to what life has to offer. Thank you for everything.

Wednesday, April 9th, 2025

Listening to: Gemini by Evergreen

Currently Playing: Love and Deepspace

Oh man, it feels like an eternity since I last updated my site! I really wanted to do it sooner, but there was simply no time. There's still so many pages I need to update and shrines to start on, but this long diary entry will do for now. So much has happened in the first quarter of 2025 in the blink of an eye and I'm excited to finally sit down and recap it all. Like I thought, I ended up going with another template for my 2025 diary. If I ever find myself comfortably unemployed, properly learning CSS would be on the top of my to-do list, but for now my desire to update my site overrides wanting to make something original from scratch.

I'm now writing from a new home! Long story short, near the beginning of the year, my grandpa and I got a "fun" surprise that the house we were renting was in foreclosure; the landlord failed to notify us and even collected rent for as long as he could. Thankfully the bank made a deal with us and I now live with my grandpa and sister in a charming house around the same area. Our deadline was tight, and I was worried we wouldn't make it out on time, but our scrambling paid off and we managed to find a new place and complete the move with a couple of days to spare!

Goodbye and good riddance to that dump and the 7 years we wasted living there! No more crumbling stairs that my grandpa and I have both fallen down! No more hideous solid concrete walls you can't hang anything on! No more gross and cheap vinyl flooring! No more feeling like I live in a shoebox! I can actually cook and play DDR in my own room again, and I don't have to go downstairs to do laundry. It feels downright luxurious to live here, especially since I've never lived in a house with central air and in our previous house, the gas heater broke during the coldest part of winter this year and we had to rely on electric space heaters to make it through...

My new room has two closets! It's so nice to have a closet just for my lolita clothing. I've since bought some lavender velvet hangers and it makes everything look even cuter!

In January, I went on a trip with my mom and sister to Seattle, just for a couple of days so we mostly stayed in the same area. It was so much fun! It was my first time in Seattle and my first time taking a trip with both my mom and sister since she was a toddler. We left for our flight before dawn and arrived to our destination in the early afternoon. After we checked into our hotel, we got a city pass for entry into 3 attractions, my pick was the aquarium so that's where we went first. Onto the Monorail we went...

This stingray was such a show off! It was beautiful and way bigger than the aquarium in my city, this one had multiple buildings which I found interesting and made it seem like there was more to look at than in reality.

I was on a date~ This aquarium also had otters, seals, and sea lions! So adorable.

As the sunset was approaching, we made our way to our second attraction, the iconic Seattle Space Needle. I always somehow forget how nervous heights make me until I'm already up. The same thing happens with ferris wheels too! I'm always excited to go and it's all fun and games until I look down and suddenly start feeling woozy and freak out internally...

What a gorgeous view!! If I ever manage to go back, I really want to conquer my fear of heights. The way the observation deck was slanted already had me nervous but the glass floor below had me noping out. It was still absolutely worth going even for a coward like me though!

The next day, we woke up early to have breakfast at the hotel so we could fuel up for our plan to do a boat tour by noon. That day was noticably chillier, especially with the wind constantly slapping us! While I had been shedding my clothes the day prior, this time I was clinging to my hot cider to keep warm. The chill didn't bother me too much though, the gorgeous view outside was worth braving the cold for and I found myself enchanted by the bubbling foam the boat produced as we sailed by.

After the boat ride, we still had a full day ahead of us. We explored the Pike Place Market (where I unfortunately did not get a lavender apple cider like I had planned), sat down at a busy bakery for a quick bite and some treats to bring back home, visited the iconic Seattle gum wall, unsuccessfully found a good sit down restaurant to properly eat at (yet there was a coffee shop on every corner!), and finally settled for a disappointing hot dog stand. If only we had realized that there was an Asian food hall right across from us sooner! The food there was much tastier.

I didn't even know this existed?! Gross, but kind of cool! I didn't find the right initials I was looking for which is a shame. If I had known about this sooner, I definitely would have brought my own gum to make A + T, heheh.

A couple of the treats I had on the trip! A bulgogi egg burger and a lemon tart. I'm so disappointed Chikku Chikku isn't a chain because I want to eat this again and share it with Bear!! It was delicious~

This was the view from our hotel roof! It was so gorgeous, we could even see the Seattle Needle from our hotel room window. The day of our flight back home, I remember waking up at 3AM and watching the elevator go up and down in awe. So we said goodbye to Seattle! It was a brief, yet unforgettable trip and I'm grateful that my mom made room for me to join at the last minute. Oh, and here's some of the art I drew during the trip! The first one was drawn before and during breakfast and and the second was drawn during my flight back home. My seat neighbors were so kind and friendly and offered me some of their beef jerky, one of my biggest weaknesses. Drawing daily has been a fun and successful exercise for me, but I think I feel a little disillusioned with the site and its culture and want to take a break from it for now.

Mail time!! I got some belated Christmas packages from friends!! I'm so spoiled! I'm always absolutely amazed by how perfectly tailored everything is. The fact that my friend passed down her Tokimeki Memorial Girl's Side artbooks to me because they are incredibly expensive secondhand made me so emotional. Thank you!! They went to a good home and I'll cherish them forever I want to go on and on about these packages, but I still have so much to write about, so I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. I wear that lip balm everyday now! It's pineapple brown sugar and it smells AMAZING. I also got a card from Des with the cutest painting of Iris! Thank you Des and thank you for exchanging holiday cards with me!!

I have so much art to update Iris' page with and this is just one of them!! I'm so grateful for every piece of Iris art I receive, thank you so much everyone.

The following weeks would become a whirlwind of packing, house hunting, and trying to find the small joys in between balancing my day job with my art commissions. We got some surprise snowfall, won more Chiikawas, found a place selling homemade elote, and celebrated two birthdays back to back. It was busy!

Little kitty paws in the snow before Ranchito noped out and came back inside! Isn't the way the light casts on him so angelic?

Bear kept Chiikawa and I kept Hachiware! The way even the tag has Chiikawa doing the Pajama Parties dance makes me melt. Oh, and my elote had Cheetos on it! I want another one now.

How I spent my Valentine's Day! I replayed (but didn't get to finish ) NMH1, had some strawberries covered in tajin, and Bear surprised me by coming over for a bit before he had to work! It was a good day even if I wish I had been able to finish another playthrough in one day.

Earlier this year I decided my 2025 resolution would be to wear every main piece in my lolita wardrobe at least once, and here's the start of following through on it! I wore my AP coat for Bear's birthday and a coordinate featuring AP's Dreamy Girl skirt for a friend's birthday party. Her party was so much fun! She rented out a karaoke room and we all had plenty of chances to sing and dance. Originally it was supposed to be a Naruto cosplay party but sadly it was too short notice and no one else was able to cosplay with her, save for Bear busting out his old Naruto hoodie. Secretly, I think it was for the best. No one was able to outshine her Gai Sensei cosplay!

Some cryptic party pictures, plus the birthday card I made for Bear!

Three drinks I tried, plus we discovered a restaurant in our area that sells strawberry sando right after we finished moving in! The first drink was called The Paris from Sonic and it wasn't very good, I can't recommend it unfortunately... It looked very pretty though! The Ocean Bombs were ones I hadn't tasted before, Chibiusa was lychee flavor and Usagi was Pomelo flavored. I really loved the lychee one!! Lychee is quickly becoming one of my favorite fruit flavors.

March days consisted of chipping away at my workload, surviving the dreaded spring break rush, settling in at home (I'm still not fully unpacked but I'm so excited to finally get to it and decorate once I finish these last few commissions), and I went clothes shopping and to a see show to unwind in between all the chaos.

Breakfast! French toast with fruit and whipped cream, the world's smallest omlette, and some hot barley tea in my color changing Creamy Mami mug. Then two shirts I got when I was out shopping! I don't have a picture of my whole haul but I also bought a dress and two mini skirts for the upcoming warm months. One of them is a skort!! I'm so happy skorts are making a comeback.

I also got to see the Sailor Moon musical!! I didn't think I was going to be able to go, but I got a last minute ticket and I am so, so glad I got encouraged to go by both a friend and Bear. I used to watch the 90s musicals on YT, so it was unbelievable to me that they had a US tour now! I didn't take a good enough outfit picture but I wore my navy IW sailor OP and styled my hair in buns to be on theme.

Do you know how hard it is to try to draw Marilyn Manson in an attractive way? Thank you for the challenge Hat!

Finally, after half a year of waiting... our NMH SuperGroupies order arrived!! Bear got me the glasses and bought a Travis jacket for himself. The jacket is really nice, my favorite part is definitely the pocket with the ranking patch embroidered inside!! There's a few details that aren't accurate, like the tiger stripes not extending to the front of the jacket and the sleeve buckles being absent but I'll forgive the inaccuracies. I actually wasn't interested in the glasses at first at all; I already own an unremarkable pair of aviators that I almost never wear (aviators are NOT the style for me...) and the frames are gold! They're supposed to be silver.

However, I saw that the glasses had Travis' signature on the top corner of the lens and that alone is what sold me. I'm so glad I got them! The case itself is plain and unassuming unlike my Vash glasses case but the cleaning cloth pattern was a nice surprise. They're shockingly small, they don't fit Bear's giant head at all but they're perfect on me. I plan to wear them along with my AP rider jacket and Telephone JSK to make a Travis inspired coordinate. I need a con to go to so I can show off my coordinate and ita bag, stat!!

They did it, they finally did it. They made me, the biggest mobile game and gacha hater in the world spend money on one. This game got me though all of February and I'm still addicted. The devs made two silver haired guys and expect me to choose just one?? I'll write about my experience later on in my play log.