I keep meaning to make a sketchbook or a doodle dump page. Actually, there's a whole outline of plans I've made for my site, like a new index and splash and multiple shrines, but I haven't found the time lately. I'm even behind on updating buttons and my media logs. I don't know... I don't really feel like doing anything. My shelves sit unfinished, Iris still doesn't have a faceup even though I bought her in February, and games and books pile up uncompleted. I just draw, to escape how boring the internet has become (Is it just me? What does everyone even do online for fun anymore?) and to alleviate how empty and hopeless I feel.

Years ago, I thought we lost our photo albums since we had to leave our old home in a haste, much to my devastation. But recently, my grandpa found them again! I haven't had the courage to look through them all yet... I'm just so relieved. Before the year ends I'll be sure to take a day to scan them all and digitize them, it's always good to have backup copies just in case.

Happy October! Even though I don't particularly have any plans for the month, save for a movie challenge that I'll write a page about soon, I do know that it'll be a busy month and that things will probably stay busy right through the holiday season.

Another con waitlisted me, and it seems no one I know got into this one either. I've talked to my other artist alley friends about this, about how the market has become so saturated that it's hard to get into even local conventions now. Small markets pop up but they're so hit or miss, they can be really good (one of my friends did better at a tiny one day event than a Saturday at a con with nearly 30k in attendance!) or you can end up wasting your day just trying to make your table fee back. I've been doing cons since 2015 but nearly all of my stock is low profit items and I never ended up earning the capital needed to upgrade to manufacturing items like enamel pins and plush.

Does anyone remember how simple merch used to be in the artist alley? I kind of miss it! Stickers cut by hand, laminated paper keychains with a ball chain, pinback buttons, bookmarks printed at home, felt dolls and those weird fleece cube plush. Now it's like if you don't pull all of your resources into manufacturing the most creative and over the top piece of merch or have your own clothing line, you just can't compete. I noticed this shift around/after 2020 and it's not that I hate it, I'm actually very glad artists have easier access to manufacturing now! I'm just yearning for a simpler time I guess... I've been selling my art online since I was 16 and even though it's always been my dream to make a living off of my art, I'm still nowhere near that goal. I won't give up art of course, because drawing is just something I have to do. But I do think it's time for me to accept that this is just not working out and to scale back my expectations even further...

Commissions are wonderful, and I'm grateful for all my friends and clients who support me, but they're not sustainable either. I just don't have the same drive or output that successful artists have and I accept that. I have to do things at my own (slow) pace and that's ok. I want to focus more on my online sales (especially start making original merch and works because most of my stuff is fanart based...) and applying to more zines! On that topic, I hate how every zine now requires you to be in a Discord server to participate. I know it's easier for the organizers but it's still annoying.

Enough self-pitying art talk though! I got some new boots. A pair of rain boots (that I actually bought earlier last month and forgot to write about) and a pair of short harness boots, both from Target. I love them both!! The rain boots are actually a bit big on me but I'll just compensate by wearing thick socks. They're so cute and sparkly and remind me of strawberry lemonade!! The black boots remind me of a pair of Harley Davidson boots I used to own but broke and I had to toss out. I love this style!! There was actually had a knee-high pair in this style with more buckles that I wanted but I could only pick one pair so I chose the short ones since I think they'll be more wearable. I'll have to wait on the knee-high version and looking like a horror game protagonist. I was surprised though, the short boots didn't need breaking in! They were already perfect right out of the box.

Recently, I was actually tired of wearing black and decided to get dressed up to go shopping. Can you believe it? Me, actually tired of wearing black? I know, I know... I got some delicious ube ice cream and spam musubi with egg on top. I did forget to buy another bag of barley tea since I'm out now, but I'll make the trip back again sometime. That day Bear and I celebrated two birthdays and after coming back from hanging out at the arcade with a friend at nearly midnight, we found a tiny orange kitten splayed out at my doorstep.

We thought the little baby was dead at first, but they were still breathing! We kept them warm and tried to feed and hydrate but they were just too weak and passed away a couple of hours later. We buried the kitten in Bear's backyard at 2AM. Neither of us every expected to have to do something like that so suddenly and we're still shaken up over it. Rest in peace little angel. You had the most beautiful big brown eyes and ears that you hadn't grown into yet, and the softest, delicate fur.

Somehow it's already more than halfway past September! The rest of August was fairly uneventful, save for contracting covid for the first time. Luckily it seemed to be a weaker variant, in fact I mistook it for allergies at first! My muscles were flaring up and causing more pain, which led me to massage all over... it turns out I had a ton of trigger points in my back!

I managed to massage them all out, but I was still having issues. Just yesterday, I found four more major trigger points on the front of my body that I'm working on now. They start right under my collarbone and go all the way down to my thighs, with the pain mostly going up to my neck and head. So you're telling me I spent all that time and money on doctors who couldn't help me and wasted the entire final year of my 20s in pain when I could have treated it myself this whole time? Oh well... I'm still not entirely sure how this happened to my body but at least I know how to deal with it now.

Pre-con day! I spent the morning finishing up a commission and packing. I had work that afternoon but everything aligned perfectly and we were able to pack up the car in one trip, check into the hotel and I was able to go to work after. At work I had enough time to arrange my new Travis bag and finish some artwork I was going to showcase at the con.

That evening I finally got to debut my new swimsuit at the pool and we got our annual grand slamwich for dinner. Delicious! I made sure to add new merch to my Chris bag since I was going to use it for the next day.

On Friday I wore the Matryoshka Doll set. I always feel very cute when I wear this set, even if my coordinates with it are never adventurous! To go with my Chris ita bag, I had Minecraft Chris in one pocket and the TsumTsum in the other of my apron. Lots of familiar faces and hellos and hugs and shopping on Friday! I searched around but didn't see any Chiikawa merch... I did find an Opanchu Usagi scrunchie that Bear bought for me though! I also got to meet two of my favorite v-tubers and show them the art I drew for them. I was so nervous!! But they were very sweet and appreciated the artwork. Dinner for Friday night was Korean fried chicken.

On Saturday morning I had to help Bear with his cosplay and a bit of trouble deciding what to do with my coordinate so we left a little late. I wore the Melty Berry Princess set, along with my apron from Matryoshka Doll. I really like aprons now and want an extra one. The front pockets are so handy!! This was my first time wearing the strawberry sash I got last year and I wasn't entirely sure how to coordinate it, plus one of the pins broke off already! Maybe I just need to try it on a different coord? I don't like it as much as I thought I would...

We had gotten word from a couple of other friends that one booth was selling Chiikawa merch so we went back and found it thanks to their help. Success! The blind boxes were all gone but we got some really cute gachapon toys. We passed on the plush but I kind of wish I had gotten the pouch now too.

After we completed our Chiikawa quest, we went into the game room to kill some time while we waited for our panels. We played a bunch of pinball machines, including an Iron Maiden one, John Wick, and a more traditional type of machine involving aliens. We also got to try out the Silent Hill arcade game, which I would have loved to finish if there hadn't been such a long line behind us. Right before we had to go our separate ways we played the arcade X-Men with a kind stranger who joined in as Nightcrawler.

After the fashion show, I joined Bear again so we could go to our next v-tuber meet and greet together. I actually wanted to apply to model for the show, but I decided against it because of how much time it demanded and the meet and greet was a big factor too. My favorite girls were more important!! I got to show everyone art I made to celebrate the con and we all got a picture together!! It was wonderful.

For the evening, we stayed out until nearly 3AM, mostly going to panels, a friend went with me to the rave and I didn't even need to drink to dance! There were foam lightsticks for sale and I wanted one but didn't want to pay five bucks for one... then a guy in front of me wearing a Bullet Club hoodie smiled and handed me his. Lucky!! Travis and my friend and I danced and sang all night~ For late night karaoke I sang Crazy Train.

The final day of the con!! We spent most of the day at the swap meet, then had one last go in the artist alley and dealer's room. Surprisingly, this year I made around $200 selling some of my junk at both of the swap meets combined. I let go of my Okami Nendoroids, I was sad to see them go, but I would prefer Ammy as a statue and they went to a big fan who I know will give them a good home. I also met a group of Hellsing cosplayers WITH INTEGRA and got to take a picture together!! I can't believe I actually saw someone cosplaying my wife! She was just about my height and so sweet!! I was so happy to have met her. After the con, my friend A hit me up and we had dinner together! She is so sweet, she had a letter for me and also bought me a Vash print! Thank you A!! I hope I can see you again real soon~

Early September gets! My Creamy Mami Lumina Star came in!! I saw the package at my doorstep as I was leaving for work and I was so excited that I took the package with me instead of waiting to get home. Now I have all of the Creamy Mami items!! It lights up and plays music like the rest of the toys. Now, which Mami outfit do I want to cosplay? Plus, a Kirby blind bag. I didn't buy any blind boxes at the con but I still had the urge so this was perfect! I was hoping to get Kracko but I got Meta Knight which I think was the next best thing.

I still haven't seen Beetlejuice 2!! This is a crime! At the very least, Bear and I went on another ramen date, then to the arcade. They had the new Castlevania: Marble of Souls game which was super cool!! We both got the big 500 marble bonus and won a bunch of cards. Richter for me, and Alucard for a friend. There's still a couple of cards we need to complete our set so we'll be on the lookout next time we go.