It's already the second week of December?! How? After a deadly combination of holiday spending and bills, I had no money left to dress up and take myself out for International Lolita Day. However, it's been my favorite kind of weather lately (cold and rainy), so even though I wasn't able to ride my bike, I'm enjoying it and after I've finished packing orders and holiday cards and packages, I'll finally get back to Fable with a hot mug of spicy miso soup. I want a wife in Oakvale...

R has been such a good boy! It really is true what they say about orange cats, he is without a doubt the most affectionate cat I have ever cared for. He loves food, headbutting my shoes, rolling around in dirt, having conversations with me, his fishing rod toy, and follows me around like a puppy. I cradle him like a baby for his eye drops and he's already purring the moment I pick him up, even if he hates the drops themselves. He's terrified of my bike but he's no coward; he showed just how brave he is when he defended me and chased off the neighborhood loose poodle from our driveway.

At first, my mom and I celebrated how her husband had a change of heart and was going to let him go home with them once he got neutered, but they've since had a fight and he took back his offer. Now my mom is being insistent that I should keep him, but I'm trying not to romanticize it too much. I'd have to finally clean up here upstairs, but it would be nice to finally have a lap cat, plus I've never had an orange cat before... Theodore, my old cat was always at my feet and would sleep with me but he couldn't tolerate being held for long. Things could change between now and when he finally gets the snip, so who knows. As long as he stays in the family, that's all that matters.

This picture is from over a week ago so he looks even better now! The vet gave him stronger eye drops and while one eye is still a little red and irritated, he's looking and feeling so much better. Now we can finally see how playful and affectionate he really is!

Some outfits from the past few weeks! First, I went to a concert by myself. No one I knew was going but I'm glad that didn't stop me from attending, because I had such a great time!! It was the only concert I went to this year, and it was an artist I had wanted to see for the past few years since I discovered them. Bear picked me up after and we got late night fast food. Next, a simple outfit to get dinner at our favorite hot dog place. My only regret is that I couldn't try both the hot dog AND the burger of the week since the burger had pineapple and Bear isn't a fan.

Then, what I wore on Thanksgiving! Now I really feel like a horror game protagonist with my moto boots and sweater dress combination. It felt so good to eat to my heart's content since I wasn't able to last year when my jaw was acting up. On the last day of November I went to a little friendsgiving get together! Since I was going to be away from the sensitive and impressionable eyes of any children, this was the perfect opportunity to be a LAZY FUCKIN' BEAR. I made banana pudding and brought a quiche, one friend made katsudon and the other mac and cheese. So good!

We spent the night chatting and bothering my friend's ginormous cats, and we accidentally stayed up until 2AM when I had work that same morning, oops. Finally, what I wore to an artist alley Christmas party!! I'm so grateful to the organizers, they are very sweet and I love what they do. The theme was western, so Bear let me borrow his hat and I wore Iron Gate (no boots sadly!) and sang my go-to karaoke song.

The hot dog I had for dinner, plus the necklace Bear got me for our anniversary (I got us matching Chiikawa Toilet Time shirts)!! I'll scribble you something if you can correctly guess how long we've been together. That night I just wore a repeat outfit involving my IW sailor collar braid OP and we had KBBQ at a place we previously had hot pot at before. It was delicious and I'm glad we tried it, but I think I prefer the hot pot at this place in particular since there's more variety.

The end of the year approaching always makes me think a lot, more than usual. Over the course of my adult life I've talked to a lot of different people, young and old, and got their perspectives on life, partially as an aid to help figure out what is "wrong" with me. My conclusion? There is no cure! This is simply the human condition. The fact that every human struggles just as much, if not more than me both brings me comfort and drives me to madness all at once. I want to make peace with it. I surrender to it, and acknowledge how blessed I am despite how often unhappiness crosses my mind.

This whole time, I feel more like I've been observing others more than I've been living my own life. For this reason, I want to at least try to be more proactive with my life next year because it seems that I'm in it for the long haul if I've already made it this far somehow. That, and I want to stop navel-gazing so much! Self-reflection is a powerful tool, don't get me wrong... it's just been holding me back more than it's been serving me. So there. Those are my vague 2025 resolutions!

Dawn is nearly here. I actually really enjoy being up early in the morning when it's still dark, but then the sun fully emerges and I want to crawl back into bed to escape the day ahead of me. The birds are up and chirping. I love sitting here at my desk with the window open, listening to them and letting the fresh air roll in. Yesterday afternoon was still so warm that I have mosquito bites all over from spending time outside caring for the kitty cat, so it's a nice change. Please don't be warm again today... I read an article that stated this Winter would be warmer than usual, so I'm dreading it. I just want to wear long sleeves. Please. I'm still in a t-shirt and shorts.

I've still been playing a lot of Grundo's Cafe lately! It gives me something to look forward to everyday. Big thanks to Bree and Flonne for making my childhood dreams of a Halloween Uni come true. I also achieved my dream of having a Halloween Cybunny which was my goal on real Neopets before I stopped playing! Now I welcome my newest addition, my Valentine Kougra meant to be... well, I'm sure you can guess.

I said this in a now deleted diary entry, but I connect to others online and often bury myself in their lives and their problems so I don't have to deal with my own life. It's funny how it works though, because it seems like good things are more likely to manifest when I pull back and become more selfish, why is that I wonder? The more you get tangled in other's lives, the more stress you deal with is the conclusion I've come up with. Still though, I want to try to be there to the best of my ability without burning myself out (my inspirations are Tomoyo Daidouji and Hachiware ).

Oh yes, since I've been taking care of R (the kitty), I've been seeing my mom a lot more this past week too. It's nice to spend time with her, we had dinner the other night and it was really delicious. She said she wants to take Bear and I to this wood fired pizza place out of town and play games together. "I don't even know my own daughter, I thought about how I don't even know your favorite color or what you like to do besides sketch," she told me over the phone yesterday. That's true. I don't even mean that in a bitter or resentful way, it's just how things have always been. She was very surprised when I told her it's pink... although I feel like lavender is starting to approach #1 for me, now that I think about it.

I made these kewpie doll adopt bases yesterday! Pixel art is really fun but challenging, it's tough to figure out how to best utilize such a small canvas! I'm no good at anti-aliasing so I just keep things simple and bright. I have quite a few outfit ideas so once the ones on my list are done, they'll have their own adoptable page. Feel free to use the base to edit your own by the way! Just credit me please.

What else before I make the trek to the mailbox outside... oh, I decided I'm going to buy myself TMGS4 for Christmas. I haven't been regularly studying Japanese in a couple of years now and I'm just going to bite the bullet and immerse myself in a game. It'll be difficult, but I want to play it and learn!! I'll never get to a comfortable level if I don't force myself to read. I'm always shocked at how little and how much I understand at the same time. Plus, I really want to date Mikage-sensei... Ryouta, the prince of the game looks very cute too though. Red eyes are an easy way to win me over.

Edit 12 hours later... I had a big mail day today!! Not because I got a huge package but because I obtained a dream item. Big, big thank you to Elly for alerting me!! I always wanted a lolita brand rider jacket, but I absolutely refuse to own anything made with synthetic leather because of how poor quality they are so my options were further limited. I'm so, so excited to make a Travis themed coordinate and wear my ita bag with it! I never thought I would own the exact jacket I wanted. There's a couple small damages the seller didn't disclose and it's missing the other sleeve belt, but I'm just happy to own it.

This morning I went into work early before anyone was there to retrieve my sketchbook since I forgot it the day before. I dressed up thinking I would get it, then go have breakfast at a restaurant I've been wanting to try for years across the street. Unfortunately, it was so busy (I should have known better) that they didn't have room to seat a single person without a wait so I just decided to come back home and save money. Oh well, I want to spend today drawing some yume art and finally get around to dusting my computer. The Oakvale theme suddenly popped into my head the other day, so I think I'll boot up Fable. The fairytale feel of that game is so unmatched.

The loss of my uncle is hitting me harder than I thought it was going to, for reasons I won't get into. I'm trying to spend more time with my family, but everyone is so busy and has their own lives to tend to. At least I went over to see my aunt (Her home was beautiful! I swear her bathroom was the same size as my room) and we enjoyed pizza and a movie together. Since my uncle is gone, my mom and sister and I are taking care of his cat. We don't know who is going to keep him yet, but right now our focus is on getting him well again. The poor baby has mange and we can't even pet him without gloves because he's contagious to humans too. In a couple of weeks he has another check up at the vet, so fingers crossed this treatment will get rid of it.

We snuck in the cornbread cookie into the movie theater. Honestly, it was worth the money. Plus some new babies!! Bear and I did a little shopping and I picked up a couple of books and a Shadow and Sonic bracelet set. I took Shadow to match my inner edgelord.

Halloween was uneventful, Bear and I just had goodies at home and watched Beetlejuice while I wore my new hat that I love so much that I'm going to wear it all year round. There was a party I was supposed to go to, but my grandpa got sick so I didn't want to leave him home alone. I didn't get any pan de muerto like I wanted to either... but the day wasn't wasted, because I was suddenly struck by inspiration and made a new homepage! I'm still very happy with it, it's a nice and simple 2 column layout but it actually took me nearly 8 hours to complete from start to finish. Still figuring things out!

We still got to go to one Halloween event! I dressed up for a little arcade meet. Bear wore the same headband as me but in purple.

Bear and I had a big day at the beginning of this month... it was the day a certain store had an official Chiikawa merch drop!! We left as soon as we could that Sunday morning. They didn't have everything I wanted, but I'm still happy with our little haul. Chiikawa takes the pain of everyday living away...

Bear's side is the very left, everything else is mine. What a pleasant surprise that GS had Code: Veronica!! I snatched it up right away. I don't know what to put in the Hachiware bag yet, maybe my scrunchie collection? Also: BALD

If I'm honest, these past few weeks have felt lonely. I realized just how much I rely on my online friends so I'm trying to pull back and figure out how I was before I joined Discord again in 2020. It's not that I don't love my friends, because they are a huge part of my world... I just need to learn to enjoy my own company again, because at the end of the day someone can't always be there for you. I've been spending a lot of time self-reflecting, drawing and also playing Grundo's Cafe (Thank you so much Pom!!) It's very nostalgic and I'm having so much fun. In other good news, I also got into a BIG project that I can't talk about in detail, but I'm so, so happy and excited to be a part of the crew.

Two deco boards I mailed to friends recently. I hope they arrive safely. One of these days I'll have to actually learn how to use these markers, maybe I should join Do Art Daily?