The past week was difficult to get through. The puppy completely disappered after about week of care, Bear got passed up for a promotion at his now previous workplace, we've had negative luck in finding new permanent jobs, I got my period twice this month, and I still can't seem to find the energy to do anything except the minimum of maintaining my life despite my jaw pain improving. The weekend made up for it all though! It was very nice to forget everything for a bit.

I went to a parade and then to the fair! I wore lolita to both, but with no petticoat because it was so hot. Last year I didn't get to do anything in April so I'm glad this year I was able to do everything I wanted to do, I feel fulfilled.

Bear couldn't come with me to the parade because he had to work, and no one I asked was able to go either. So I went by myself! At first I thought about how I wished I had brought Travis or Chris with me, but then I realized I was wearing my locket!! So I had company after all. I had a blast. I picked out a spot in the back of the paid seats where a big potted plant gave me shade. There were cascades of bubbles coming from wands from all over, the smell of fried food, and the shrill sounding of toy trumpets that always remind me of this animated version of The Mysterious Stranger. It was a lot of fun and I'm glad I went, even if the eatery I wanted to finally try was closed for a private event.

One of the things that got me through the week was the promise of a giant funnel cake with strawberries on top!! It was delicious, I got exactly what I wanted. We also had some tasty chicken, a crepe that was sadly cold in the middle, and lemonade and an ice cream cone to cool us down. I even got some free tickets from an older couple who liked my outfit!! That was so nice of them.

Getting to see all the art was really nice too although I never buy anything since the food alone is always so expensive. It was fun, but I think I don't want to go again anytime soon. I'm getting to the point where I don't like crowds, not because they make me nervous, but because I simply don't enjoy being around so much noise and commotion. At least the parade was free!

To end April, I celebrated a friend's birthday!! We all had dinner together, I drew her in my favorite coordinate she's done and then we went to the arcade afterwards. Bear won a giant Pochita plush and while we were unsuccessful in nabbing that Makima keychain I wanted, it's alright since Pochita more than made up for it. I also played more Tetote x Connect and switched out my partner from Nene to Fran. Oh my goodness, she's so cute!! I want to go back and play more rhythm games soon...

Outfit for the birthday girl's night, comfy but cute! The daydream beret again, my favorite Enchanted cutsew I own by Listen Flavor (Bear bought it for me and the girl at the booth made a mistake and charged him 600 dollars instead of 60. You're fired!), my favorite black AP choker, teddy bear earrings and kirby bracelets, Creamy Mami rings, matching CCS jewelry, and my trusty kitty shoes!

I sketched up a bunch of stuff today in my big sketchbook and found these doodles from 2022. Scribbles of Fang and a character from my magical girl romance webcomic I'll never release at this rate.

Ah, May is tomorrow already huh... It's my least favorite month. Let's get this over with.

About a week ago, I was riding my bike back when a puppy followed me home! I'm wary of dogs on my rides, they usually chase or bark at me but this sweet girl just trotted along as I rounded the corner back to my street. It took her no time at all to think she lives here! I felt like something sooner or later was going to interrupt my peace and this must have been what I was waiting for. I grew up with cats, so I have no experience with training dogs at all, but she's been making big improvements on her nipping and being calmer when she greets me, though I still have puppy scratches on me and she still thinks her leash is a chew toy.

Unfortunately for the both of us, my grandpa wants her gone as soon as possible. Bear and I have been trying to find her a possible owner or a new home to no avail. She didn't have a collar or a chip, and not a single person has contacted me about taking her. Surrendering her to a shelter costs more than I have to spare right now too... We'll figure something out, she's too sweet to give up on. If push comes to shove, Bear might be able to take her in... He's been helping me so much with her, he's so good with dogs.

SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF

Speaking of puppies, we celebrated a very special puppy's birthday recently, Pompompurin! I didn't get a whole cake like I always wanted to, but Bear and I got some wings and split a birthday cupcake to celebrate. Happy birthday Pompom!!

My Peperuto Pollon from Ojamajo Doremi arrived! It actually arrived last month but I forgot to take a picture. I was shocked at how quickly it arrived to me since I felt cheap and didn't pick EMS this time. I'm unsure of how this wand compares to older versions, but this one is very cute!! Putting in the beads was really fun even if I somehow forgot how to put them in at first and it plays music from the anime. I feel like a childhood dream came true since I wanted one ever since the show aired on 4Kids all those years ago. Originally, my goal wasto finish the first series before getting the wand in, but I've only watched 6 episodes so far... Hors suggested I watch the rest of the series with my wand, which is a great idea! Thanks Hors! I really loved every single episode I did watch so I'll get back to it soon.

My mom asked me what I want to do for my birthday. I don't know... I don't really want to think about it, to be honest. I thought about asking to rent out that art studio to have a Bob Ross painting party like I always wanted, but I feel too tired to do any event planning. Then there's the fear that if I don't do anything special for my 30th, maybe I'll regret it? Not many of them really stand out to me now that I think about it. What I'd like the most is for my jaw pain to go away for good, LOL.

Happy Splatfest! GO TEAM BEAR!!

The last Saturday of March, I went to a baby shower! One of the lolita comm girls let us use her art studio for the occasion, which was so nice of her. There were a lot of faces I hadn't seen in a while, and some I met for the first time, and a friend I reconnected and bonded with over husbandos. We ate lots of delicious food, had conversation, marveled at the cursed toilet with stairs, and played lots of games (I won bingo! I got a Gudetama lip balm as a prize). I feel grateful to have been invited to L-Con 2024 and to everyone who put in such hard work into organizing it.

Our numbers dwindled as dusk arrived and we ended the night with karaoke (here's what I sang) before the remainder of us went to dinner and I discovered the joys of eggplant drenched in garlic sauce. At dinner is when everything started doing downhill...

Remember those plastic bubbles you used to blow as a kid? I used to play with them so often! Even just the smell is nostalgic... I (poorly) made an Amogus. Oh, and Long Bear joined us on our Easter stroll through a trail we had never walked through before.

April hit me like a bag of bricks. The last two days of March, a bad flare-up started. I was in so much pain that I went into a dark spiral, withdrew from everyone and everything, and wasn't able to do much else than the absolute bare minimum. Mild back aches, I can deal with. I'm used to those. But this head pain and pressure and having trouble doing basic things like eating and talking... it's downright disabling. I can't even sing to myself anymore like I used to.

Then, at work last week, an angel appeared to me!! I was in complete and utter despair, and she asked me about my problems. As it turned out, she was a licensed massage therapist! After my shift, she did some work on me for free. It was so kind of her to do. Deep tissue massage can be a little painful, but the relief you feel is incredible. It's so strange, the way she worked on my neck and how the tingling traveled from my neck and all the way up to the top of my head and all the way down to my fingertips. I'll never forget the help she offered me and the passing clouds I looked at while she diligently pressed on my trigger points, especially the one that looked like a knight riding on his horse.

The massage released my muscles enough to make me realize that the pain isn't going to get better on its own even though I am exercising, massaging, stretching, trying to watch my stress, avoiding caffeine and alcohol, and getting proper meals and sleep every single day. The pain is the worst when my jaw ever so slightly falls out of place. It's a vicious cycle, especially with pain causing stress and vice versa. My muscles get too tight for my jaw to be in its proper resting spot, then the pain and inflammation start and travel from my jaw and all the way up to my temples and forehead and down to my neck, making everything stiff and so painful that all I can do is lay down.

Now, I found out a couple of days ago I can pop it back into place myself, but I still have a lot of tightness and inflammation... I have an appointment tomorrow so I can get a muscle relaxer prescription. The massage therapist said I also probably need a chiropractor, which I don't doubt... So to my loved ones who I know check this diary because it's sometimes the only sign of life from me, I hope that satisfied your curiosity.

One of my little joys these days is going on long walks on trails with Bear. We haven't been able to bring our bikes just yet, but I still love walking together. One night we accidentally stayed out too late and had to walk back through the wooded trail in complete darkness. That was scary!! But we made it through just fine, and we'll have to make sure to be more mindful of the hour next time. There are a lot of wonderful trails in our area, some we had never seen before or seem newly built. Lots of caterpillars last time we walked too!

Another package from a friend?! This one was a complete surprise, I wasn't expecting it at all! I don't know how I could ever repay her for how much love she's shown me...

A handmade bunny by her!!! She told me it was a sample of what she's working on to sell locally, and I know she will be successful because she is so well crafted!! I don't even know what to name her yet... I have to pick out something good. The package also included a wonderful postcard, a Pompompurin figurine and diamond art puzzle, some delicious candy, and something that gave me the strength to keep on going again.

I got the bottom middle Purin!! He is so cute and reminds me of the animal figurines I used to collect as a kid that were purchased at dollar stores and the flea market.

Cookie Travis!! THE COOKIE TRAVIS!! I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw him... I know she made one of her wife, based on this drawing I drew of our favorites back in December, but I had no idea I would ever one day hold my drawing come to life myself.

What else have I been up to? Well, I started a lot of things last month and finished none of it (big thank you to my friend M who humored me enough to re-watch Gungrave with me though!!). I read maybe 40 pages of March's Bookbug book and still haven't finished it despite how excited I was to read it, so I'm trying to see if it'll be better to try an audiobook format. I did read The Last Unicorn again though, and Howl's Moving Castle, my two biggest comfort books. 24 hours in a single day just isn't enough, I feel like the day is gone before I even begin to do anything, and by that time, I have to go to sleep and start it all over again.

I don't want to say things are getting better, because life isn't a linear upward trend, and it never will be. But I'm doing ok again, I think. I went to the HK truck and dressed up to stand in line for 3 hours, but I did meet a new member of my comm so that was lovely (another nurse! lots of nurses in lolita, I've noticed)! Oh, and I finally, sadly, packed away all of my Winter clothes. I won't be needing them for the next 8 months...

Coordinate run-down: beret: Precious Bbyz, hairclips and bag: Sanrio, skirt: Dreamy Girl by Angelic Pretty, shirt: Yurie Sekiya x Teddy Fresh, socks: Cotton Candy Shop OTKs by Angelic Pretty, jewelry and shoes: James Avery, AP, offbrand, Travis charm: CEZ

The last time I visited the truck was back in 2018, where coincidentally I was also coming out of a dark depressive state (nothing has changed, huh... except that I am in physical pain now, sigh). At that time, I feel like I simply waltzed up at noon and got what I wanted. Boy, was I silly for thinking it would be the same now! Sanrio has always been popular, but it's absolutely exploded now, plus Hello Kitty is celebrating her 50th anniversary!!

The people immediately in front of us bought the last box of macarons which was what I wanted the most, but I got a box of cookies and a pretty tote bag. And I will absolutely never be doing this again! At least I looked cute while waiting in line, and Bear was great company the whole time too. The best part was seeing all of the younger girls walk away with their parents, smiling wide and clutching their goodies, just like when my grandpa used to take me to the Sanrio store we had when I was in elementary school.